Where to begin..after several years of trying, we were overjoyed to find out that we were pregnant in June of 2013. Being ultra cautious after past experiences, we did not share this news with too many people until I was about half way through the pregnancy. Around 16 weeks (September), we visited Baby Bumps in Saratoga Springs for an elective ultrasound. This was probably the best $100 that I have ever spent as we found out that the little, miraculous bundle that I was carrying was a baby girl. All day long, my dad (also my best friend) was blowing up my phone. He just had a feeling that he was going to have a granddaughter. Well I barely got my key in the ignition in the parking lot at Baby Bumps before he called and I told him the exciting news. We didn't talk for too long but he was so excited that his father's intuition had been correct and I was indeed expecting his first granddaughter.
Flash forward a week..Life was going about as usual. On September 26th, I had plans to go out with the girls from work for a little post work gab session but I was feeling under the weather and unable to take anything. I'll never forget the way that the events of that evening unfolded. I put Denver to bed in the guest bedroom (a recent phase he was going through where he only wanted to sleep across the hall from us AND in a queen size bed). I made myself a snack of apples and caramel dipping sauce and sat down to watch E! News. My phone rang and at first I thought what a happy surprise to hear from my little sister Somer on a random Thursday night. Well, the happiness of hearing from her quickly faded when I heard the tone of her voice and the reason for her call. The Rochester, NY sheriff's department had just called her since she was the last phone call in my dads phone. He had been in an accident on his bike and had no ID on him and so they called the most recent contact in his phone. Stay calm I instructed Somer. He has had heart issues in the past and we probably don't need to panic. I called the sheriff myself and didn't get much more information than she had. Our dad was in an ambulance on his way to the hospital and they were currently administering CPR. I was not given many more details than that no matter how hard I begged for more information. They said they would contact relatives who lived within close proximity to the hospital and when they got there, our relatives could relay specific details to us. I had an overwhelming sense of dread and panic and couldn't stop pacing and continued to call the sheriff, even though he made it fairly clear he could not update me via phone. I called my siblings and let them know what was going on, fairly hopeful that this wouldn't be different than the minor heart episodes that he had previously experienced. That feeling faded as the night went on and I spoke to the sheriff again and then my aunt. I can still hear her telling me that they were in the waiting room waiting for the doctor and the social worker to come in to talk. My heart sunk and at that point, I just knew the situation was not what I had hoped and prayed for and that things would never be the same. It wasn't long after that, that she called me back and let me know that dad didn't make it and he had a heart attack. I'll tell you, you never expect to hear those words and there is no manual or anything that can guide you through what to do next. Stunned, speechless and 17 weeks pregnant, I did the only thing that I could think of and I called each and every one of my 7 siblings, in birth order, to give them the devastating and life altering update. Several hours later..we decided to get right in the car and drive back to our hometown so that we could wake up at my dads house and go from there. Faced with the decision on whether to bring our young son with us or not, we decided that yes, he was coming with us and was going to be with us and my family through this. I don't feel the need to share the way that everything unfolded over the next few weeks but not one moment of it was easy and quite frankly, I haven't felt up to writing about this or anything else for that matter until now, over a year later.
So here I am. Almost 34, married, two kids, my youngest approaching her first birthday. No dad here on this earth with me but I know he's here with me in spirit every day. I'm navigating this crazy world without my best friend and biggest supporter but I'm so blessed to have the seven siblings that I do and a wonderful husband, children and friends.
Alright, so I needed to get this update out there and now I can pick up from February 2015. I'm excited to write again and I'm excited for what the future and this blog may bring. I'm absolutely LOVING being a mom of two littles. I know with absolute certainty that my daughter was put in my life at exactly the right time for exactly the right reason. I know it's cliche but everything happens for a reason and Arden Thomas came along at exactly the right moment that she was supposed to. Watching my older son Denver Walker be a big brother to our little girl literally makes my heart want to explode! They are two peas in a pod and I could not have asked for two more loving, sweet children.
I know that this post was a heavy one but I can't wait to post again regularly and share our life with y'all. I am in full-on 1st birthday party planning mode madness and I can't wait to share it with everyone! It's going to be good!
Please feel free to comment and I'll see y'all again soon! xoxo
Brooke
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